“Knowing When to Stay and When To Go”
July 5, 2009 — Relationships can be difficult. Any long-term relationship will have periods of challenge. Misunderstandings that are not completely resolved may cause difficult feelings to be harbored. These emotions tend to surface when new issues are faced. However, with good intent, and positive and productive communication, even old issues can be resolved and emotions healed. So, given the possibility of restoration of the relationship, how does one know when to work at restoring the relationship, and when to lovingly release, and walk away?
To be able to answer this difficult and complex question requires a sense of oneself, and one’s mission in life. Why am I here? What do I feel compelled to accomplish? How will I feel if I don’t accomplish my life’s work? Can my friend/spouse/significant other support me? Can I support him/her as well?
Relationships occur for a reason. When that reason is complete, there may be more to be accomplished together, or there may not. Each significant relationship brings new meaning and understanding to one on a spiritual path. However, relationships are not to be held until the other is smothered and taken off his/her path. One must know when it is time to let go.
It is also significant to recognize that we often don’t know the reason for a relationship until we look back. Even difficult and painful relationships have lessons. Recognizing the lesson upon reflection can help us to forgive, and to be thankful for lessons learned.
Teachers and mentors often have challenges when their students no longer need them. If the teacher/mentor has an emotional need to be needed, the relationship will likely suffer when the teacher is no longer needed in that role. The same is often true in parent/child relationships. When the child reaches an age of maturity, the relationship needs to shift to one that is adult to adult. If either tries to keep the other in the former role, the relationship may become “stuck” and flounder. The new adult needs to be recognized for maturity. The mature adult needs to be allowed to become a peer and friend.
How does one know when a relationship is no longer able to function in a healthy, supportive manner? Perhaps one can begin by asking the following questions:
What is my life work?
What do I feel I need to contribute within my lifespan?
Do I feel called?
Do I feel I must follow that calling?
Does my friend/spouse/significant other accept my calling?
Does he/she want to support me in the (new) role?
What is his/her calling? Do I want to support him/her?
Are our callings complementary? Do they support, or conflict with, one another?
Does she/he respect my calling?
Does she/he respect me?
Do I respect his/her calling?
Do I respect him/her?
Together, can we each complete our individual missions in life?
Are we designed so that we complement one another? For example, one may be the support for the other.
Did we once fit, but now need to move forward separately in order to accomplish what we are each called to do?
People may remain compatible within the social system, but one or both may need to be free to move forward on their individual spiritual paths. When this occurs, the energy that we each carry may repel us away from one another. This will manifest as dysfunction on the personality level. However, it is important to recognize the true nature of this emotional separation, and to release one another with love.
Good people, caring and responsible, may be called away from each other to complete the plans for their lives. Marriage on the human level is not always capable of lasting throughout life. That is not to be frivolous about separation; it is to be true to one’s spiritual path as one understands it. One must be sure of one’s life calling, and then, in complete awareness of the disruption that will ensue, one may choose to follow that calling.
The purpose of life on earth is not stability and security. The purpose of one’s life is to follow one’s spiritual path and complete one’s reason for being here. All of life is about learning and contributing for the purposeful evolution of one’s soul, and the planet.
This Meditation is dedicated to Love which joins us with the necessary relationships for the completion of our calling.
Sue Kidd Shipe, Ph.D.
Executive Director
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Sue Kidd Shipe, Executive Director
International Institute For Human Empowerment, Inc.
P. O. Box 3920
Albany, New York 12203 USA
(518) 393-9491
sueshipe@www.humanempowerment.org
www.humanempowerment.org